Major Discoveries

I looked through a telescope for the first time tonight. It was AMAZING. They're giant real-time cameras with monster zoom. I saw the moon so clearly, craters 'n all, and Jupiter, though it was still really tiny. Assembling the scope and aiming it came easily, almost naturally, and well, it just felt right. I think I've finally found my major.

Prior to that, I experienced a different side of the school campus. First of all, parking is boosted up from $4 to $5 after 4:00pm, which is damn ridiculous. Why the fuck should students with night classes have to pay more than day-students? The only reason I could think of was that after 4:00pm, anyone can park in the reserved stalls around campus, but fuck (haha), no one's around that late anyway. I really needed a bathroom after that, so I walked over to Campus Center. The game room was locked, so I tried upstairs. The men's room was being cleaned. I headed over to Kuykendall (that could be how you spell it) and the building was closed. I went back to CC, checked upstairs, and almost pissed on the wall, but that only would've solved half of my problem. I booked it to Bilger and finally found an open bathroom, walked into a stall, and the fucking lock was broken! So now I pose the question: how can the school raise the parking fee from $3 to $5 within a year and not have the money to fix one little hinge?

I love campus at dusk though. It's quiet, the air's cool, and the sun hits everything so perfectly. I can't wait to have my film developed.

School minus books and I'm still broke

Today was my first day in school since I was suspended last semester. Well, I was actually on campus yesterday, so I'm not sure if that counts, but I needed to find my classes so I wouldn't look as lost as I was today. I feel old. I feel like I've been on that campus for ages (technically, I have, but it's a simile, so chill), and obviously haven't accomplished much. But it was very refreshing to have such a tight agenda. At 10:30 I had World Religions with a stand-up professor who will most likely give me an A. He didn't even order books for us to buy. Ten minutes after that, I booked it to Archeoastronomy (after a quick piss, 'cause coffee and cran-pom run right through me). If you don't know, or haven't Wiki'd it yet, Archeoastro is the study of ancient to present means of mapping the stars. This prof was the only one who lectured instead of discussing the syllabus, and also the only one who's making us buy books. Additionally, she kept straying off topic to the point at which her lecture had nothing to do with the powerpoint, yet she kept flipping from slide to slide. I dozed a few times. Fifteen minutes after that, I took the elevator up to the forth floor, which was very ancient-looking and very deserted. Evolution of Astronomy was the class, ad I'm looking forward to the content. The prof had obviously neglected to prepare for the day, but hey, so did I. No books for that one either. I've gotta walk in to a 7:00pm Astro lab tomorrow and I hope I'll get in. Stargazing at Kapiolani would be the easiest A ever.

I've got $17 to last me 'til Friday. Stretching is way more fun than saving.

Deep Space Stasis

Deep space stasis

Keeping you at ease,

Tumbling through the aether,

Your head between your knees

Apocalypse now already!

I can't wait for the day when the world resets itself. Everything's so damn organized, and everyone's so preset. I've been thinking about this for some time, and re-watching The Day The Earth Stood Still really sparked it for me. I'm mainly referring to the ending where every bit of technology in the world shuts down (Sorry if I ruined that for you. Maybe I should have posted a disclaimer first. Well, I could just redo this paragraph, but I hate deleting things). Ironically, in such a case, this blog wouldn't exist anymore, but I wouldn't mind. I'd make my own post-its out of tree bark and honey and stick 'em everywhere. Anyway, I don't mean to say that I wish aliens would rape us or some kind of rapture would occur, and I would never wish for anyone to die. But it's apparent (to me, at least) that the trigger-happy actions and negligent inactions of the human race will not pass without consequence. It looks like the world's imminently barreling toward such a fate, and I can't wait.

The First Amendment

Since a week or so ago, I've been setting lifestyle regulations. My friends like to point out my inability to obey rules, or as I prefer to put it, my refusal to conform to conventional belief. But I do agree that actions should be kept in check, and who better for mine than myself? This post is about amendment. Number one rule is that I continue to fight shy of all drugs and alcohol. I won't miss any classes this semester unless an emergency comes up. I'll still give time to my job, but most of my fervor will be directed towards taking notes, studying, and shooting for GPA boosts until I'm qualified enough for travel programs (which I'm more than convinced are fucking amazing). I'm going to develop some sort of exercise regimen around school and my job, though I wish I could go hiking every day instead. I've found a number of hobbies in the past few weeks, and will find the time to foster my writing, lomography (pictures coming as soon as I develop it), parcour (free-running), and language self-tutoring (once I can afford Rosetta Stone!). Oh, and I've grown fond of organic things after trying soaps made out of olive oil, hemp, shit like that. I'm not gonna go crazy health-nut on everyone; I just like smelling of almonds. I'm going to try avoiding soda too. Because of all that's happened, I'm just sick of chemicals.

This is the first positive piece I've posted since I opened this account, and I'm happy to share it.

One-eighty

I endured a most severe anxiety attack tonight, and am immeasurably grateful for having such understanding and supportive friends. Also noteworthy, I'm going cold turkey and will upkeep full sobriety with ever-swelling conviction.

Prospective

So I'm feeling pretty easy right now, enjoying the not-too-hot-not-too-cold weather and iTunes on shuffle. Helicopter, by Bloc Party. I haven't relaxed like this well, since I don't know when, and it's great to be able to think at my own pace. I'm amazed at how drastically my life's changed over the past year. From June 2008, I spiraled into late night to early morning hangouts, to drug addictions, to sobriety, to a relapse, to sobriety, to relapse, all of which riddled with anxiety attacks and major depression. Letters in the Sea, by The Dimes. Despite all of this, I was somehow content, constantly drawn by what prospects that life offered. It's not that I couldn't stop, or that I didn't want to; I felt as though it were impossible that everything could be anything but what it was. That mindset is what debilitates the mentally conditioned. Christians in Black, by Rogue Wave. Rooted in the middle of nowhere. But everything did change. I finally talked to people about my past, my addictions, my mental condition, and weights were lifted. Deciding to see a psychiatrist will most likely stand as the most vital choice I have and will ever make. Following continued psychotherapy and medication, I've begun to reconstruct my brain biologically and my mind cognitively. I've begun to recognize myself.

I do realize that majority of my posts are excessively melancholy, and that I may be downing your mood in turn. Be assured, writing is my most powerful form of self-therapy, and I sincerely hope that all of this will benefit you as it has I.

Fixing my Brain, by Brad Sucks.